A gentleman wrote to ask about some questions and doubts that he and his wife had about establishing their particular version of an ANR. 

The following are the questions or concerns as he asked them:

 

I have some questions and some doubts after showing my case:

1) ANR makes a woman to see his partner like a baby or a son?

This is not necessarily what is going to happen. She would be the one that determines how she views the activity. It is she who will decide that she is doing this for her husband, and her purpose for doing it is to develop a closer bond between two loving people.


2) ANR reduces masculinity?

A man's masculinity is something that he has to decide for himself. Sharing a loving moment at the breast of his true love does not make a man any less masculine, unless he wants to see himself as a child or see himself as being less masculine.


3) ANR replaces sex?

ANR and sexual activities are generally totally separated, but there could certainly be overtones of sexuality in an ANR. It depends upon what the two people involved want to get from the activity.


4) I'm going to see my wife as my mom if I practice it?

Does your wife look like your mom? If you want to see yourself as a child, and do not want to see yourself as a man, then you might consider her to be your surrogate mother. Some people enjoy that, and some women enjoy playing the role of a mother to her "child", but again, this is something that the two of you decide among yourselves. Practicing ANR does not MAKE you be anything, but a loving partner, if you let it happen.


5) She will be looking for another partner more virile for sex and me for breastfeeding only?

That would only happen if you are not being a sexually satisfying male partner, AND she wishes to stray from your solid marriage. Don't sell her short. If you develop a good bond between your wife and yourself with a mutually satisfying ANR, that will lead to a better relationship in all that you do together, including your sexual relationship.


6) How can I do to convince her on doing it again, but this time different?

I might suggest that you be direct and honest with her, tell her what you would like to see come from the ANR, find out what her fears are that drove her from it before, assure her that those fears will not come true, and work together 100 percent.


7) Are there steps to show this fantastic world without scaring the other?

Are you always honest with her? Does she totally trust you? Have you given her cause to not trust you? Correct those (if they exist) and assure her that your intent is the same as hers, and then make sure you do not stray from that promise.


8) My wife has a lot of taboos cause of her raising, her mom thinks everything is forbidden and that was what she taught her.

Based upon what you said earlier, she was open to an ANR relationship until you disclosed YOUR fears and that was when she stopped. Assure her that you no longer have those fears and she may be willing to try again. Above all though, be patient.


9) The last time I suckle her breast she told me that she felt like a short-circuit in her mind. (I think this is the taboo issue)

I am not sure how to address this issue. It sounds like she may have some fears also. Work on your fears together. Face them together. That is what an ANR is all about. getting together and forming a better mutual bond.

Ken L. Smith
Breast Health Facilitator for the American Cancer Society
www.BreastNotes.com
BreastCare@comcast.net

This information is the opinion of the author and does not reflect any opinion issued by ACS.
The American Cancer Society takes no standing on Adult Nursing Relationships.