By Seena Brown
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen
magazine
Want to keep things safe and fun when looking
for The One? Follow these simple strategies to
do just that.
No matter how we meet the people we end up
dating, many of us will wonder a bit about
safety. Online dating is no exception -- in
fact, the idea that you can share personal info
with someone before you've met face-to-face can
even exacerbate those worries. Never fear,
though, experts say that online dating is as
safe as any other method for meeting potential
partners. Just follow these sensible strategies
to make your dating life as safe, secure, and
fun as you want it to be!
Stay-safe
strategy No. 1: Talk on the phone a few times
before arranging a meeting.
Rather than falling head-over-heels for a
profile and setting up a date, take your time.
This will allow you to get a read on the person
before you meet, according to Evan Marc Katz,
CEO of E-Cyrano.com and author of I Can't
Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense
Guide To Successful Internet Dating.
"Many online daters get into a mindset of
not wanting to spend too much time on the phone
-- they look at it as a waste of time," he
explains. "But it's really an investment.
You're figuring out if this is someone you
really want to meet." If you pick up
inconsistencies in their story or get a weird
vibe during or after the call, don't ignore it
-- take it as a sign that you two might not be a
perfect match and move on. If you suspect
someone is lying, he or she probably is, so act
accordingly, recommends Kristin Kelly,
spokesperson for Match.com.
Stay-safe
strategy No. 2: Meet in a public place.
Regardless of where you met someone (online or
in line at the bank), don't accept an invitation
to dinner at his or her place…nor should you
be planning a wilderness hike as your first
rendezvous. Being in such solitary spots with an
almost stranger won't be relaxing. A safer bet,
says Dave Evans, director of Online Dating and
Discovery Research Advisory Service at
www.corante.com, is to meet in a place where
other people are present, like a café, bar or
restaurant. Don't get picked up at home; always
provide your own transportation to and from your
meeting place. As an added safeguard, tell a
friend where you are going and when you will
return, and leave your date's name and phone
number with your friend, says Kelly.
Stay-safe strategy No. 3: Don't disclose too much personal info.
Here's another bit of advice that holds true
whether you're chatting with someone you just
met online or in a bar: Don't spill your entire
life story. For example, feel free to tell your
date what you do for a living, but there's no
need to divulge the name of the company where
you work or which gym you belong to and when you
usually go. If you date asks you something you
don't feel ready to share, just say, "I
don't usually tell people that until I know them
better" -- by establishing this is your
policy across the board, your date won't take it
personally.
Stay-safe
strategy No. 4: Call the shots.
Remember that you are in control. You get to
decide how much information to collect about a
person -- and when (if at all) you feel
comfortable meeting someone offline. You’re
never obligated to get together with anyone for
a date, no matter how many e-mails you’ve
exchanged, says Kelly. If for any reason you
sense a red flag -- say, the person you’re
communicating with gives you inconsistent
information, falls in and out of communication,
or makes inappropriate remarks -- then you can
(and should) put the brakes on. And if you’re
wondering what an inappropriate remark is,
you’ll know it when you hear it: It’ll give
you pause due to it's being angry,
disrespectful, too personal or overly sexual --
or just plain beyond the usual boundaries of
conversation. Let your instinct guide you.
Stay-safe
strategy No. 5: Use your best judgment.
Now that all this has been said, let’s pull back for a second. "Be safe, but not so paranoid that your worries are like a black cloud hanging over your date," advises Katz. In his own online dating experiences, he's encountered women who wouldn't even tell him their first name -- which, in his mind, is taking things a bit too far. "When you're a nice guy and you're treated like a criminal, it can be a bit off-putting," he says. "Safety guidelines exist for a good reason, but you need to view each date on a case-by-case basis, and don't let paranoia rule your experience." Remember, getting involved with someone online is no more dangerous than meeting them any other way, and you should take some basic precautions in any dating situation. The benefits aren't just your well-being, but increased comfort levels and confidence -- qualities that always come in handy.
Online Dating
by Alison Edwards
