12.09.09
- We are amazing creatures
aren't we? I'm not talking
about the rich and famous, I'm
talking about the average
joe. Every day is a
challenge whether good or bad or
small or large. We have to
make choices as grown ups all by
ourselves whether it is the
right thing or not and always,
always learn from them should we
choose to.
Another
blow to the spirit...the IRS
took another $200 out of my
check yet again for the month of
December. All I can do is
shake my head, cry a little
(okay a lot, I cried all over
Kasha this morning) and want to
scream. It seems I can
never rid myself of the last
vestiges of the parasite I was
married to. All of my
plans for this month shot to
hell yet again.
So
this time around, I will call
the IRS and arrange a payment
schedule with them, file for
Innocent Spouse Relief and see
what happens.
I
have a Christmas tree that I was
going to put up but hard as I
try, just for today at this very
moment, I have no Christmas
spirit.
I'm
sure later I'll be picking
myself up and dusting myself up
yet again but in the interim -
Lavida is dura.
12.06.09
- A cold front has been moving
into Arizona the last few days
or so and it has been cold and I
mean cold! This morning at 4 -
the temp was at 34
degrees. Of course,
Murphy's Law I had to grab the
bus to go to the store to pick
up a few things. No
gloves, since the ex roommate
stole them from me, I threw on a
sweater coat and an alpaca scarf
I had just ordered from ebay.
On the way to the store, a kid
got on under dressed for the
weather. Had I son, this
guy would have been around his
age. Sweet thing too,
chattering on, even complimented
me on my scarf. My stop
was just coming up and as the
bus stopped, I took off my scarf
and gave it to him with a
"Merry
Christmas". :)
Hope he didn't mind it smelled
like my perfume. More
importantly I hope it kept him a
little bit warmer.
Tick
tock, tick tock, two more days
to go and I get paid for the
month of December. I so
hope the IRS doesn't put their
bloody paws on my check like
they did last month. Still
can't find Scott, so I guess I'm
easier to find. The
bastards.
Other
than that, another week
down.
I
think I shall stop here for now.
I really can't think of anything
more to share or anything witty
to pen. Perhaps tomorrow
this brief writer's block will
be gone.
12.5.09
- There's an episode on
"Everybody loves
Raymond" whereas Debra
Barone tells her husband Ray,
that sometimes every woman needs
a good cry. No reason, we
just do. Amen to that.
Today
was my day. No rhyme or
reason it just came out of
nowhere. I was watching
the latest episode of Criminal
Minds called "100"
online and the very last fifteen
minutes just got to me. I bawled
like a baby. Afterwards,
the tears still flowed. I
had to go to the store, so
walking to the bus stop I had to
struggle to keep the tears
back. Back home, I watched
the last five minutes of I think
it's called "Star Trek: The
Next Generation"
movie. I started to weep
when Captain Kirk died; and just
totally fell apart when Data
found his cat "Spot"
in the wreckage of the
Enterprise. I think I'm
about cried out for this
month. We'll see -
Christmas isn't here yet.
Geesh.
12.3.09
- I need to get this entry out
post haste. I bought a
bottle of Peppermint Schnapps to
kick off the holiday season with
a bang and I know if I wait too
long this entry will not make
sense. lol
Yesterday
was not such a chore after all,
the library trip. My
neighbor and I ("C")
took off to the library. I
met a nice older gentleman there
in the buy a book section. Very
well dressed, and
handsome. I thought he was
in his 60's. Turned out he
was in his 80's and dying of
leukemia. :( I shall
always maintain that God puts
people into your life for a
reason - it was a humbling
experience and taught me in a
brief flash to cherish
Life. I hope he'll be
okay, I never got his name
dammit.
Stopped
off at the local Wal-Mart after
that so she could get her
favorite seasonal ice cream
Peppermint which BTW is
decadent. She brought some
over and it takes just like a
candy cane.
Next
stop: Lunch at Subway.
Mana from heaven!
Last
stop was our favorite craft
store and I was on the hunt for
a Fleur De Lis pendant -
nada. I forgot Fleur De
Lis's are a hot, hot, hot
jewelry trend this year.
I
haven't hooked up my DVD yet
just pure laziness I'm
sure. I'll do it tomorrow
so the procrastinator proclaims.
Not
much more to share at the
moment, my dear journal.
Am off to enjoy my 90 proof
Schnapps.
So
sad, that indeed Tiger Woods did
cheat on his wife. Is
there anyone in this world that
can have a successful monogamous
relationship without having the
need to stray?
12.2.09
- Ah Insomnia has raised his
nasty little head and no matter
how hard I have tried, I cannot
sleep. The bastard!
So here I am at 2:56 a.m.
listening to Josh Groban croon
"My December",
Stormdancer purring his little
brains out in front of me and
downloading software to play a
DVD on the 'puter. My
speakers of course are being temperamental,
the left one is now working, the
right one is not, it was
reversed a few hours back.
*sigh*
11.30.09
- I did something fun last
night; I wagered a bet with S.
on last night's football
game. Since he is a native
Louisianan (is that even a
word?), he bet the Saints
against "my team", the
Patriots. I lost.
What he wanted, well I can't be
too specific, let's just say I'm
not too thrilled about giving
back rubs and as for the other,
weelllll something I don't mind
doing - so who really is the
winner in that respect? lol
Full
moon tonight. It's
obvious. The fur maniacs are in full swing. So far
two of my males have gone after
Arthur. They are all
litter mates and damn do I need
some sleep. It is a known
fact that when the full moon
rises in the sky and she exposes
her pretty face, strange things
happen. The paramedics
dread it, the hospitals dread
it, the police department
especially dreads her beautiful
repose in the sky.
Still
hanging out in the computer room
sleeping on the daybed.
I've been vacillating back and
forth as to whether I should get
rid of the waterbed in my
room. I wandered in there
the other day to hang some
freshly laundered curtains in
there and longingly looked at
the bed. Nope - it's
staying up. It just needs
a heater and a new
mattress...gee is that all?
Yep
just a rambling today. I'm
supposed to go to the library
today with the next door
neighbor. I like her; she loves
Halloween and the macabre. You'd
never know it by looking at
her. There really is no
reason to go now that the
computer is back up, but what
the heck, maybe I can find a
book there.
11.29.09
- Where have you gone? Why
do you run and what demons are
you running from? I pity
you now; I guess I always have
perhaps that's why I stayed for
so long. I saw someone so
lost and didn't want you to feel
that you were abandoned like you
thought your father abandoned
you. Ironically it was you who
did that to me. I think I
finally forgive you. My
bitterness for what you did is
finally fading and all that is
left are the good memories of
what we had brief though they
were. I hope you are
alright and before you die, you
find your happiness and
peace. Ciao Bello, Ciao.
11.20.09
- My PC is almost perfect; that
is, it now has no sound.
Grrrrrrr. I have to update
the driver I'm sure. I spent
most of the day trying to figure
it out and finally threw up my
hands and said...well anyway, I
threw up my hands. *chuckle* I
have better things to do, like
load my programs back on and get
caught up with the site, which I
have adding new links to the
links section.
I
do realize this has been a bad
year for the majority of us here
in America but geesh do we have
to push Christmas so damn
hard? Even the neighbor up
the street already has her
Christmas tree up not to mention
her outside lights. I even
found much to my chagrin,
Christmas music already on one
of the radio stations here.
*sigh* I refuse to take
down my fall wreath down until
after Thanksgiving or actually
until the very last day of
November. Fall is my
favorite time of the year and I
shall savor it until the bloody
end. lol
Oh!
Update on the Richard thing
ooops "R" thing.
*eg* We did get back in
contact with one another after
five months of dead silence from
him. We attempted to get
together back in September and I
just could not do it after all
this time. I found out he is
terribly passive aggressive and
overall a pain in the ass.
So I pushed a huge button of his
(purposely) and he cancelled and
threw out a goodbye. I
should have just realized that
if I could not keep our
engagement when I was 19, there
was a reason for it. Gut
instinct and all that.
11.19.09
- I'm baaaaaaccckkkkk... Okay so
after practically falling off of
the face of the earth I do
believe I am here to stay.
So
what's new in my life? I
turned the big 5-0 in October! I
was so bummed a few months
prior. As the dreaded day
crept closer and closer I told
more and more people. Just
an exercise that is used by
abuse survivors, the more you
talk about your experience, the
easier it is to deal
with.
I
did receive an unexpected 50th
b.d. present: A gentleman
who I shall merely call
"S" wrote me on the
8th. Apparently he had
read my blog and wanted to wish
me a happy b.d. I
thought...hmmmmm...so I wrote
him back, he wrote back and sent
me a sweet, sweet gift! We've
been corresponding since and
well, it looks like there is
something definitely
there. Although it is
strictly LDR for now, it is
absolutely perfect for me.
We can take our time, get to
know each other, iron out the
wrinkles if you will and welp,
we'll see what happens. We
are such opposites in so many
respects, but he is so
intelligent, thank god. lol It eradicates our
opposites in a heartbeat. That
can be worked out, but
intellectual discourse is very
important to me. So we
shall see what happens. He also
happens to have THE most sexiest
southern drawl I have ever
heard. I guess I am as
smitten as a kitten.
Kitties
are fine. Circle of Life and all
that happy stuff. Lost
some, gained some. Love and have
loved them all.
I
have found in the months I have
been offline through some very
painful life experiences, that
it is best not to talk to too
many people about my life.
People are so quick to judge. I
mean I have known that since
being online and I have been
online for many, many years.
However when you encounter the
real world and it's in your face
ugliness, you tend to turn
inward and guard your privacy
like a hawk. No wonder my
younger brother has turned into
a recluse. It doesn't hurt
as much and dealing with people
like that is so not worth it.
I
still am planning to open my
goth/horror website well just
because. I may reopen my
abuse survivor site, Wings of
Fire, I'm not sure yet
though.
Oh
yes, over the summer I did
develop a fabulous tan on my
face, upper chest (god bless the
person who invented tank tops),
legs and arms. Walking to
and from the bus stop does has
it's advantages especially in
the extreme heat.
lol
3.22.09 - Good grief! I've
gone THIS long without a monitor
on the home front? Yikes
and then some. No wonder
I've been tres grouchy.
I
posted on the Freecycle group a
couple of days back letting them
know the situation here and some
wonderful woman came by
yesterday and dropped off a
beautiful monitor by emachines.
I love it. It's black and
silver which matches my
emachines keyboard.
Hmmm...I wonder if I can spray
paint my tower black. lol
So the ex roomie came by a few
days back to get some stuff.
*shudder* She could barely
stand up she was soooooo drunk.
Do her children even care?
The whites of her eyes are
yellow and she's only 46.
Perhaps they tried and that's
all you can do with an
alcoholic.
Ah yes and now for the good
news: I am finally divorced.
Woo Hoo! I did get alimony
but collecting it will be another
story. I also asked the
judge for my maiden name back.
I don't want his shitty name.
The judge was pretty peeved that
Scott did not show up. He
said it showed lack of character
on Scott's part. He was a
great judge I thought. A
very nice man; my landlady came
with me for moral support.
On a side note: I so wish I had
the means to go to the Ren Faire
before it closes. He is
one of the actors at the King's
Court and it would give me great
pleasure to pop him one in front
of the masses. *eg*
Hmmmm...let's see what else
happened whilst I was monitor
less...Ah! I am the proud
Nana of seven furry wee ones.
Dante had four babies 3 weeks
ago, their eyes are opened an
one teeny bit hissed at me this
morning. *chuckles* Erika
had only three this time four
days ago; one is pure white who
I have promptly named Maxx after
a crazy ass cat I had a long
time ago named Maxx. He
loved popcorn, always sat in
front of the microwave while it
was popping. All I can do
is just make sure these babies
make it. I'll be lighting
alot of candles, buying mass
quantities of kitten milk and pray
that's for certain.
Over and out.
3.1.09 - Still unable to
get Harrison in though he is
traipsing back and forth
taunting me, the furry fiend.
It's time to let R. go. I
talked to my sister for over an
hour today - needed to get my
fix. lol She like
everyone else in this world
cannot figure out what in the
heck happened with this whole
scenario. She is going to
write him. I know it won't
help, but if she wishes to
that's fine. I double
checked my calendar and the very
last time we communicated was
the 10th of February. Much
too long to be incommunicado
with someone you are supposed to
be in love with.
On yet another note, the roomie
is moving out today. It
just was not working out.
We butted heads quite a bit;
we're both strong willed and
neither one would back down on
particular issues. *sigh*
So I am alone again. It
will be strange not having
someone about. I wish
she'd leave her cat as I'd grown
very fond of him.
2.27.09 - Today I was
feeling TRAPPED. No
vehicle, no phone, no internet
connection, good god I had to
get out of the house MUY PRONTO.
My poor roommate, I had just
finished borrowing her phone yet
again, and gave it back to her a
blubbering mess. Poor
dear.
Told her as soon as I put on my
pants I was escaping to the
library because "of that bloody
trapped feeling".
So off I traipsed tears rolling
down my face, hands shoved into
the pockets of my jeans, body
language emanating withdrawal
from Life.
After a bit, I heard footsteps
behind me and I thought oh
Christ I'm going to be mugged.
I hadn't even bothered to find
my pepper spray. A
friendly voice asked after of
all things my *hair*. He
liked the way I had streaked it.
He introduced himself and we
yakked all the way to almost the
library. We stopped for
soft drinks and library
forgotten, wandered back to my
house. However we did not
walk back, we took a bus to the
local grocery store before that.
OMG my first adult bus ride.
Fascinating. I think I can do
this by myself, thank you very
much.
In any event, it was such not a
shitty day after all. Is
this where people swear Fate has
stepped in and have altered
their lives unbeknownst to them
even for just a moment? If
that is the case, many thanks to
you kind Fate for smiling down
upon this mere mortal just for
the day. It was so very
precious, this gift you gave to
me even for just a few hours.
Thank you.
P.S. On an icky note, he
inadvertently let one of the
furbabies out. *sigh*
Harrison will be back but damn,
damn, damn.
2.25.09 - Okay I had to
add a few more t.v. favs of
mine; especially Punk'd! OMG where have I been? Yep
no cable will do it, but have
been watching the reruns on t.v.
and I absolutely love it.
Ashton Kucher is too too funny
and has done a great job "punking"
people. Brava Demi. lol
2.21.09 - Okay now I
cannot believe it's almost the
end of February. lol
I
did not go to San Diego after
all. I had a flat out
panic attack at almost the last
minute. Suffice to say R.
was not pleased; he became
terribly depressed. In
fact we have had one
conversation after that and
now...nothing. He will not
return my calls nor answer my
emails. There are two
sides of reasoning on this:
One is from my male friend who
said he claims it as rejection,
which it was not. The
other is a female friend who
said that if it did not feel
right that I did the right
thing; that my panic attack
could have gotten worse once I
arrived there. Mars vs.
Venus. Of course I opt for
the latter opinion, natch and
cannot believe he would cut me
out of his life that quickly.
As an aside - It's amazing R.
knew I was prone to panic
attacks and said that if it did
happen *we* would work through
it. *We* did not.
I
asked a friend of mine, who is
85
now, if she would ever marry
again if she had the chance.
She had lost her husband two
years ago at Christmas time.
She said probably not as her
first two husbands were
incurable romantics and she
seriously doubt that there would
be anyone like that out there
like them. Oh yes, she got
a tattoo a week ago of a
cardinal's head in honor of our
football team the Cardinals.
*smile* Love it, love it.
:)) She is one helluva
woman. I hope I'm still going
strong like her when I'm her
age.
I
am back to designing again for
Sensual Pleasures. I just
finished up one webset featuring
the artwork of Walter Girotto.
I have two that are half
finished and I will complete
them this weekend. It's a
good outlet and keeps me out of
trouble.
I
will be so glad when I can go
back online on the homefront,
but that is definitely a ways
away. Argh.
Of course let's not forget my
gothic website that is in it's
early infant stages. I
opened it up again last night
and just stared at the opening
graphic I made. I hate it;
so I quickly closed it up again.
lol
God what a dull life I lead - I
*need* a change and soon.
P.S. I did change the
color of my hair after all.
2.6.09 - I cannot
believe it's February already.
Here we go again...the year will
start to whiz by yet again and
before you know it Christmas
shall be here. However, it
won't be such a dismal one such
as last year. I can feel it in
my middle aged bones. heh
Next week I will be going to San
Diego for certain to see R.
I am impatient for time to pass.
I know it will be here before I
know it, but it is such a
maddening feeling.
Hate my hair will be changing
the color again. lol
1.30.09 - I can
always tell when I'm starting to
go through a character change.
It's hard to define on a
"screen" if you will, but it's
there.
My dearest friend, D., was
amazed at how much transpired in
my life within a few short
weeks. Alas, we don't
correspond as much as we'd like
to for the moment because of my
bloody unaccess to the Net on
the home front I'm sure
that will be rectified more
sooner than later.
Last night, R. asked for my ring
size. Oh good god, he's
going to do it! We were
laughing though about if anyone
asked us why it took 30 years to
finally settle down together,
we're just going to say "we just
wanted to make sure".
*snicker* There may be a chance
he'd move out this way and I
won't have to pull up roots
here. We shall see.
The roommate, G., lent me her
laptop and dropped me off at the
library. Damn library.
You are *still* at their mercy.
Sure they have wi fi access, but
you have to choose their ISP in
order to get online. It's
a slow connection to be certain
and if you decide to forgo that
and sign in just using your
email addy, it's supposed to be
even slower. I couldn't
even upload my files to the
site, there was a firewall so I
had to wander over to their PC's
and do it that way. Grrrrrrrr
I
joined Netflix. I couldn't
stand it anymore. This
digital box changeover is for
the birds. You are
constantly adjusting the rabbit
ears and that doesn't even
guarantee a solid signal.
More often times than naught,
the picture on the t.v. is a
bunch of pixels instead of a
picture or nothing at all.
I digress. Since there is
really nothing on real t.v. on
the weekends well except "Punk'd",
I took the plunge and signed up
for Netflix. Hopefully I'll be
getting my movies soon, number
one on the list is "28 Days
Later", then "28 Weeks Later".
According to Storm, they are
awesome and I trust his judgment
since he loves zombie movies as
much as I. *eg*
1.28.09 - Okay after
vacillating back and forth to:
1) Cancel the roommate thing and
2) Cancel the trip - I have
decided to venture forth with
both.
The roommate moved in yesterday
and bought me or shall I say the
furbabies food, today she has
been here and gone. She is
a cab driver and will be gone
for the rest of the evening.
It's very strange to have
someone here again and she has
decided to tuck me under her
wing to boot. I'm not sure
what to think of *that*. lol
The trip - definitely moving
forward. Enough said.
I need a break.
I
put a geranium on Nala's grave
yesterday.
Hate the color of my hair. lol
Bitched about that to R. last
evening - he had no sympathy as
I did ask his opinion about the
color. Shouldn't he know me
better than anyone else in the
world - say over thirty years?
;)
Added my favorite perfumes to my
bio.
Have added an awesome EASY
recipe for Superbowl Sunday. I
saw it today on "Better" and OMG
had to try it. Absolutely
decadent, inexpensive and oh so
yummy. It's a new recipe
under "Food of the Gods".
1.23.09 - I lost Nala
early yesterday morning.
Why? Why? Why? I
screamed like a wailing banshee;
probably scared the hell out of
the neighbors next door.
In return for my why's to the
heavens, I received
back...nothing. He didn't
even make it to his six month
birthday.
Funny how things happen in life
though. The day before
yesterday I offered to board a
cat of a cab driver I briefly
encountered last week.
They were charging her
$75.00/week to take care of her
kitty "Gordo". I offered
of course, old softie that I am
at no charge. She showed
up here in tow with her daughter
and Gordo. She also told
me that Gordo will stay in his
cage and not come out.
Hmmmm...that evening I opened
the door to the cage and he will
not go back in. He's like
a dog, he spoons against my back
and just flops all over me and
falls asleep. He is a love
I must say that. He's just
trying to get used to the other
maniacs. Okay enough kitty
speak.
As for the cab driver from the
aforementioned paragraph, it
looks like I'm taking in another
stray. *wry smile* She
needs a place to live and I do
have an extra room, so she'll be
moving in here within the next
couple of weeks. She's a
scrappy little thing, hard as
nails, I just hope I'm not
making a mistake. I'd take her
in sooner as I do need the
money, natch, but oh good god
this room is a joke and I have
to move my baby - the computer
into my room.
Her daughter has offered to
petsit whilst I disappear to San
Diego over Valentine's Day
weekend for free. That
should help my friend's tri-fold
leather wallet.
Still hoping against hope that a
car will fall out of the sky.
*chuckle* I did have a
nice reprieve yesterday; my
landlady took me to the store I
used to haunt as it had the best
prices on pet food.
Although my stamina has
increased; sometimes it's nice
to know I am not totally a
loser. Where is my mom
when I need her?
And so Life grimly marches on.
P.S. Ah yes my hair is now
a nice delicious mahogany.
My stress got the better of me.
lol
1.14.09 - The site is
finally back up! Whew!
One less thing I need to worry
about.
I'm a dork. I didn't hear
the alarm go off yesterday
morning which was the court date
of my divorce. ARGH.
Now I have to file with the
court a mystery piece of paper
to proceed with it. The
judge's assistant would not tell
me which paper I need to file
because he said he would be
"offering legal advice". I
was annoyed to say the least.
So off to the cyber cafe I go to
hunt it down.
1.12.09 - I did finally
obtain a duplicate
of the title to the truck and
got rid of it. I got
enough to pay the electric bill.
I'm done walking and the hell
with being "green" idea.
lol I was born and raised
in Los Angeles and you go
NOWHERE without having a car in
your garage. Now I just
have to figure out where to get
the funds to get a car.
12.31.08 - My life of
late has turned into a bloody
greek tragedy to the point where
I want to scream. I almost
did today. Every time I
turn around or even try to
BREATHE something has gone
wrong.
Good case in point, in fact,
excellent case in point:
The engine on the truck seized
on of all days, Christmas Eve
evening - four miles from the
house. It overheated to
the point where it burned the
oil down to nothing
causing...the engine to seize,
I'm sure the block is cracked.
In any event, a really sweet
family towed me home with their
vehicle. So there the
truck sits outside of my house.
A mechanic came by and did
indeed verify there was nothing
that could be done. Sooooo
I have to look for the title,
call a salvage place and have
them pick it up. I'll
probably get I hope, $200.00 and
I'll get a bicycle. Thank
god the weather is gorgeous here
80% of the time; I don't have a
problem riding a bicycle around.
And hey I'm going green! lol It's just when
it's time to get cat litter I'll
have to take a cab. I'll
even get to learn how to take
the bus. Woo Hoo!
Let's see what else. Ah
yes. There was a
race against time to transfer
the domain of Land of Milk and
Honey from one registrar to
another only because the other
took PayPal. The library
glitched the whole damn
transaction as the other company
received payment for the
transfer but not the
instructions nor the key to
unlock the registrant. So
in the interim I'll just keep
posting in my journal.
Today I walked about four miles
- to the library to do my mail
and other stuff, to the store
and back home. I'm tired
but wound up. Swell.
I
do hope 2009 is alot better
because really all I want is a
drama free life. Now I
just need to figure out how to
get to the courthouse on the
13th as that is the day my
divorce will become final.
12.22.08 - No sleep natch. *sigh* The
Melatonin did not work so at 5
in the morning I took half an
Ambien. That worked. Woke
up terribly late for my
important date but forced myself
to go to the DES to apply for
food stamps. I'm not
embarrassed or ashamed.
There is no food in this house
suitable for my pets, not unless
they like fruit or vegetables.
Not. One of the questions on the
app is how much money do you
have on you? I riffled
through my wallet and I swear a
moth flew out; noted zero
trying not to cry.
There was a jerk behind me just
totally bitching at his partner.
All he could do was mutter to
her "I am so disappointed in
you. I am so angry", like a
chant. When he finally got
up to go up to the counter I was
going to ask her if she was
okay, but with his temper barely
held in check, I was afraid he
would come back and make it
worse for her. Bastard.
Come to find out, he was pissed
at her because she would not
give him anymore of her Xanax.
Before they finally left, he
grabbed her bottle and took a
couple out and popped them.
A
case worker came out calling out
the next appointment and she had
this huge bruise on the side of
her face. I tried not to stare;
I mean this is part of Life
right? I mean, how many
years had I listened to the
cries of my mother when my dad
started in on her?
I
wasn't shocked at what I saw
today, though it's something you
never get used to. I just
wonder for the billionth time if
there are really any real men
out there that do not need to
prove their masculinity by using
their fists?
12.21.08 - I was busy as
a neurotic bee today. I
had a fantastic sleep the night
before by taking two Melatonin
and woke with a ton of energy.
I am by habit, a horrible
insomniac. I'll try
anything to try to get some
sleep short of taking a hammer
to my head.
I
digress.
It's almost as if I woke from a
four year sleep and took a good
hard look at the inside and
outside of the house.
*shudder* I worked four
hours straight and didn't even
make a dent. It's a grand
start I think, especially for a
non-domestic house goddess.
I
even figured out how to hook up
the converter box in the
bedroom; I just need a pair of
rabbit ears to get a signal.
Pretty cool I think.
12.20.08 - There is a
terminology that is used alot I
have found in the land of ANR:
Oral fixation. I have or
had my theory of what it was
about until I met a gentlemen
who had one.
He explained to me that he
enjoys being oral with a woman.
That evening he showed me.
He loved to kiss, and oh my was
he a good kisser. Alot of
men claim they are but are oh so
not. He was. He
kissed my face, my eyes, my
nose, my forehead before zeroing
back onto my mouth. I wept
a small bit as a man had never
been so gentle with me.
I
had told him earlier in the
evening about my tattoos that I
have; that is a Kanji character
on each shoulder blade. He
asked to see them. I shyly
pulled down the shoulder straps
of my dress and he kissed each
one moving up my spine planting
kisses up to the back of my neck
refocusing his attention on my
mouth like a bee to a flower.
After awhile my lips did appear
as if they were beestung.
Finally he showed me the coupe
de grace of his fixation:
My breasts and nipples.
Unhurriedly, sensuously he paid
rapt attention from one to the
other, creating sensations in me
that I had never felt before in
my adult ilfe.
Unfortunately we had to
stop...he had a plane to catch
later that evening. We saw
each other a couple more times
after that and we just drifted
apart, the miles were too great
between us - his East Coast to
my Southwest.
I
catch myself comparing others to
my gentle man; I've yet to find
another like he. And so I
wait and hope...
12.17.08 - I have missed
journaling and so here I am
again.
Of course I had to be the
frustrated perfectionist and
agonize first and foremost over: What pic
to use, what colors, what tables
to use that are compatible in
all resolutions, fonts, etc., I
think I'm happy with what I
chose. I must say it did
feel good designing again.
I am planning to open up another
website. It will be geared
towards the more gothic side of life.
This will be fun and I
look forward to putting it
together.
However before I embark on that
project I should figure out
first where the heck I'm going
to get the money to renew the
domain for Land of Milk and
Honey which will be expiring
next week. Always
something.
I believe I have acquired a dog
or I should say she acquired me.
She looks to be part Chow
because of
her blue tongue and mostly
shepherd. She's a tawny color
with a sweeping tail with the
sweetest face. She is a
pretty thing; she just
showed up, hungry and shy as
heck. I named her Mischa.
She doesn't bother the outdoor
cats which is a big plus.
Bless her heart. I wish
people would take better care of
their pets. When I die, I
want to come back as either a
cat or a dog and wander into my
own backyard, I know I'll have a
home. :)
