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Out
on Transport
by
Herbert
I started my
residency in a Children's Hospital in the Swiss
Alps, not far from Bern. Although training to be
a doctor puts you through a lot of hardship it
was a time I wouldn't want to miss. Maybe some
nights. Yes, the long weekends. The constant
state of physical exhaustion. But the overall
picture was rich, colored in tones that I would
never have come to know wasn't it for the nights
on call, the illnesses of my patients, the long
talks with their parents.
And for the
charming presence of Ramona, a pediatric nurse
who has seen all of it, life and how it goes,
hope and how it carries people through even if
the body fails. Who watched it all with her dark
brown eyes, framed with the longest lashes I
have ever seen. Wide open and straightforward as
the country of the Berner Oberland where she was
born.
I had worked
with her for many months, bent over many a baby.
But I really got attracted to her when I saw her
nurse her one-year-old son during a hospital
outing, this little bushy black-haired head held
close to her breasts, while she was sitting in
the grass, leaning against a tree. Her eyes
closed, as if she was listening to a tune deep
inside herself. As if she was following the
traces of all the little noises that the baby
made in her arms. As if she was floating in the
feelings that his sucking gave her. Melting with
pleasure, with closeness.
This picture is
engraved in my soul and it often made me think
about what it is that seems to radiate
through a womanís body when she nurses a child.
Is it erotic pleasure that she feels on her
breast? Is it just a warm tender glow? Is it
pride to be able to satisfy a hungry soul?
For me it was
erotic, without question, seeing her sitting
there, so relaxed, so open. Her legs so spread
out.
I watched her
for a long time, from the shade of a pine tree.
The black head bobbing with bodily pleasure. Her
eyes so focused on something precious.
When he let go
there was her long, dark nipple shining in the
sun. Molded by a hungry mouth. Pointing out in
the air. I do not remember her breasts, I
probably didn't even try to discover them, so
strikingly erotic did I find her nipple, a magic
antenna that attracted my gaze.
From then on I
did take notice of her breasts during work.
Although well rounded they were on the smaller
side, but the nipples, the nipples... those were
big and not to miss. In wintertime they made for
a nice hump on the tip of her breasts, nicely
set against the blue of her scrubs. In
summertime, when she did not wear a bra, they
were like pillars lifting the fabric of her
shirt into two little tents. With a long fold in
between.
Whenever I saw
them I thought of her son nursing. Of her
listening to the feelings deep inside.
By the time it
was winter we had come to know each other quite
well. We had talked, we had laughed, we had
cried. I had seen her brown eyes from very
close, bent over sick children. I had seen her
leave for the nursing room to pump milk while
away from her baby. I had seen her come back,
her nipples standing out even more than usual.
And I had seen
her once in summertime with stains over her
breasts on both sides.
One winter day
we were called out to pick up a critically ill
child from one of the small peripheral hospitals
high above the lake of Bern. Ramona was on
transport call with me. We left in the ambulance
with an ice storm announced. By the time we
reached our destiny the roads were all ice and
snow.
The little
thing was less sick than anticipated and seemed
to have "turned the corner" just in
time. How resilient these little ones are. The
local pediatrician felt comfortable enough
keeping the baby in his care.
We were about
to leave when we realized that there was no way
that we could make the trip back safely in an
ice storm like this.
The local
hospital put us up in a small Bed and Breakfast
run by an old lady, far out in the boonies. The
rooms small and old, but flawlessly maintained
with starched linens and everything. Ramona said
goodnight and left for her room down a long
hallway.
In the dim
light of a lantern I read whatever I could find
in the drawer of the bureau. My thoughts kept
trailing off to Ramona, down the long hallway.
Her nipples. Her eyes. I was sure I would
masturbate thinking of her. Jerk off in a piece
of toilet paper while piecing together the sight
of these so abundantly nippled breasts...
Then the light
went out. Somewhere out there one of the trees
must have hit a power line. The wind was louder
suddenly, as if the light had softened the noise
around me. Trees were cracking under the load of
ice. The wind was suddenly palpable through the
cracks of my room. The humming of the heater had
stopped. The cold started its way through the
shingles.
I got up to
look outside. Swaying trees, every now and then
the cracking sound of a limb.
Suddenly a
knock on the door. Very gentle, but decisive.
Then Ramona in the door in a white nightgown
that the old lady had given her: "Frank, I
am afraid" she said. "Could I stay
with you for a while?"
We sit and
talk. My belly talks more with a nervous rumble.
Her face is close, yet hard to see, so dark is
the night. We wrap a blanket around us, move
closer to make it cover both of us. Still the
cold is moving in. With the cold comes a sense
of closeness, of being in the right place
together.
After midnight
I feel her back against my side. So warm. The
rest of us cold, really cold. She is the first
one to ask the obvious question that had been
floating through the room - and my belly - since
she had knocked on the door: "Do you think
I could stay for the night?"
The bed is ice
cold at first, makes us drift together closer
and closer. We cuddle like children, my long
arms wrapped around her. Our entangled bodies
start to fill up with heat, which spreads in
every corner, everywhere. My arms start to move,
my fingers start to explore. My senses turn
outward, to the skin, the hair.
I feel her
nipples against my chest, feel her move against
my body. Feel her stretch out in comfort. I
glide under her gown, push it up gently. Make my
hand crawl on one of her breasts. A well rounded
cone, a soft groove between. And these pillars
on the top, bent to the side a little, but
straightening out under my touch. She melts into
my hands, pushes her breast into the cups that I
form for them, teases them, urges them, makes my
fingers reach out to the nipples, roll them
gently, wiggle them and feel how softly they are
rooted on these breasts...
Her hands are
on my head, stroking my hair, first softly, then
rapidly, and then she uses them to guide me, to
lead my head to her chest, under her gown...
To the warmth
of her breasts. I feel the nipple stroke across
my face, across my lips. "Suck them for
me" I hear her say, clearly, with
conviction and want.
The long nipple
slips into my mouth, harder than I had imagined,
rougher, too. My tongue is all over it, around
it, and the nipple glides deep into my mouth
with my sucking, in and out. Molds itself into
this cavity that pulls on it, urges it, strokes
it. My lips push against her breast, wanting
more and taking more with every suck.
Her hand is
still firm on my head, guides it deeper into her
breast, deeper into her softness. The nipple is
everywhere now, broad, suckable, with a rich
texture.
And a rich
taste. First it is just a drop of something, a
drop that makes her nipple silky, creamy. A hint
of sweetness, but suddenly it is a gush of
taste. Warm and sweet. There to swallow. Her
breast is firm now, nearly hard for a moment.
Then it lets go of milk, a lot of milk. I hear
it spray into my mouth. I swallow it. Warm. I
swallow more. I swallow quick. Every suck pulls
more of it into my mouth, every swallow makes me
suck harder. Her breast relaxes, becomes soft as
I swallow its content, as I knead it with my
tongue, my lips, my chin. I relax, too, start to
feel the hands on my head rocking me gently.
Rocking me while I caress this wonderful breast,
while it release all its sweetness.
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