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Virtual
(To) Reality
By T.S.
Rajesh©
It all started on the Internet. Her name was Aparna. We
were living in different parts of India,
supposedly absolute strangers. But there were
some thing(s) that made us aware of each other.
The first time I saw her photo, I was smitten.
The first chance I got to chat with her, I told
her that she was quite attractive with her large
eyes. But so were a thousand people on the net.
The thing that particularly drew my attention to
her was that our interests crossed.
After being exposed to the world of the Internet for more
than 5 years, I knew the traits. Most people who
do something that is "taboo" in the
society try to hide their real identities. They
assume a name that is indicative of their
intentions. It also includes people who have
malicious intentions and for more genuine
reasons of protecting their identity from a
mischievous person. She was using her real name,
and so was I. We both had our photos online. I
didn't attempt to hide the fact that I was
married, and so was she. More over, our
interests crossed. Now that I have said that for
the second time, what is my interest? I am a
lactophile.
"Lactophile" - a clinical term, meaning
"A person (or animal) who is sexually
obsessed with milk or dairy products".
Dictionaries have a technique of making
wonderful, complex things look simple,
mechanical and are grossly inadequate to explain
the human mentality. Dairy Products. Nah. I use
them only for food purposes, not for pleasure.
Breast milk, however, is an entirely different
issue. I can say that I am OBSESSED with breasts
in general, breast milk and breastfeeding in
particular. Thinking of breastfeeding arouses me
like nothing else does. It is not just the
sexual part, but also the other emotional
feeling like a baby instinct that can't be
described in words. That is where we had similar
interests. In the first few interactions, I
learnt about her maternal instincts and
moreover, she was a breastfeeding mother. The
idea that she feeds her baby from those breasts
were too much to ignore.
We kept exchanging mails, mostly centered on our favorite
subject. We exchanged pictures and video clips,
stories etc. We both respected the fact that we
are married, and kept the interactions within a
decent limit. I started to dream about her with
increasing frequency. Whenever I got an email
from her, it made my day (and Night), and I
liked to think that be the same case with her.
When she narrated some story, I'd put myself in
that place.
I used to go to sleep imagining suckling
at her breasts like her baby. Even though we did
mild teasing and flirting, we kept a decent and
respectable distance nonetheless.
Then I had to leave for Japan on an assignment. A few
friends assured me that I wouldn’t have any
problems there, except food (being a pure
vegetarian). Everyone failed to consider that
I’d be stationed at Iwaki, which is less
populated compared to Tokyo. For the first few
days, I enjoyed it. The hotel room I stayed in
had a few pamphlets on adult material, adult
channels on the TV, etc. Though my Japanese was
poor, I enjoyed the pictures in the pamphlets as
they were more breast-centric. (I heard they
digitize away any scenes including penis/vaginal
intercourse. Is that the same with all Japanese
films?). After a few days I started feeling all
alone, especially after the grueling 15 hour
days I had been working, and then back to the
loneliness of my hotel room. Chatting with
unknown people on the Internet was but a small
relief.
Then one day I received another email from Aparna,
inquiring about how I am doing etc. It was like
a flash of lightning in the dark. I emailed her
asking if she can come online on an Instant
Messenger the next night. It was past midnight
when she came on, and I was awake and waiting.
She enquired about my well being, and I
asked how her baby was doing. After all the
pleasantries, we proceeded to chat about our
favorite subject. ("Here in Japan, there is
breast milk available for about 10,000 yen per
hour directly from the source. Other Things
extra." "Really? Have you tried"
"No. I am just embarrassed to ask
anyone." blah blah blah...)
Suddenly I typed, "Aparna, I want to feed. Aparna,
Will you breastfeed me please?"
She typed back "What's up dear? You sound quite
hysterical." (I didn't think I could
"sound" on a text chat).
"I am cold. I am in need of the closeness. The
intimacy. I have no one here. Please!"
"Don't worry, mein hoon na. Poor baby! Come dear, come
to me. I'll feed you as much as you
desire."
What followed was the breastfeeding equivalent of cybersex.
For me, it was a virtual reality. In my mind's
screen, my visualization started becoming
clearer, more graphic. Typed words were becoming
my virtual reality. Long after she logged off
(with promise that we can chat again next day),
I continued to feel her presence near me.
Continued to feel the softness of her breasts in
the pillow to which my face was pressed.
Continued to feel the milky fragrance of her
body in the perfume of the hotel room. Continued
to feel the sweetness of her milk in my tongue.
I ejaculated several times throughout the night.
(The laundry person must've had a good laugh the
next day looking at the bedspread)
My relationship with this lady was taking shape into a new
level of intimacy. I am married. Oh never mind.
She is married. Oh never mind. I would never
dare to do anything that puts her life in
jeopardy, but hey, this is only virtual. Even
though I hang onto it like a reality, it is
after all, words typed on a computer screen. We
hugged, kissed, flirted, teased, consoled,
suckled, and slept with words typed in a
machine. Daily I went to sleep with my face
pressed in the abundance of her motherly
breasts, suckling at her breasts along with her
baby. It was like coming home to a mother, a
wife and a lover. However intimate we got on the
chats, I always stopped short of full sexual
intercourse. Though that is not uncommon in
cyberworld, I am a married man after all, and my
conscience never allows me to have sex with
other women. But love, intimacy and even
breastfeeding is a different issue. In my
opinion: "Any loving person can breastfeed,
and that includes mother, sister, aunt, bhabhi,
fairy godmother... pretty much anyone."
The days of my virtual life with her was coming to an end
as I prepared to go home to India. "What
would you like for me to bring you from
Japan?" I asked her, just as I would have
asked my mother, wife and kid. I said:
"Without you, I don't know what I’d have
done". She said: "Just one thing. Can
you make your journey plan to go thru my city? I
want to meet you." Meet? In person? Alarm
bells went off in my head that I’d be putting
her life as well as mine in jeopardy, but heart
won over the brain. “It is just a normal visit
of a friend. Nothing wrong will happen. I won't
allow anything to go wrong" I said to
myself. At last, it was the day of my return. As
my flight touched down, I had an overwhelming
feeling of being back in the bosom of Bharat
Mata (Mother India).
From the airport, I called her up. When I heard her voice,
I felt the rush of the strong feeling of
intimacy. After getting directions to her home,
I took a taxi there. She appeared a bit older
than the photo, but oh.. that photo was at least
a few months (or years) old. I was sure that she
had the same impression looking at me. I sat in
the sofa in the drawing room, my heart racing,
as she went in to fetch something. "My
God" I thought, "This here is THAT
lady, in flesh and blood". She came back
with a tray, and sat in front of me. "How
are you feeling now?" she asked.
"Great!" I said "Thanks to
you." She blushed slightly. Try as I
might, I couldn't avoid looking at her breasts.
They were a bit bigger than in the picture, and
were beautifully sagging a bit. "Those were
the breasts I had suckled from." I thought
stupidly.
The cry of a baby came from a room inside. She excused
herself returning with the baby, and sat down in
front of me. Continuing with the small talk, she
covered the face of the baby with her sari. My
voice faltered as I realized what she was about
to do. From the movements of her hands, I could
make out her unbuttoning her blouse, and as the
baby stopped crying, I could make out that it
has started suckling at her nipple. Though it
was well hidden from me, my breath started
becoming erratic. She must've noticed that. Very
subtly and with almost no obvious movement, she
let the sari slip aside. I could see the
beautifully shaped breast pressed into a small
beautiful face with the eyes closed. I was
getting strongly aroused and stared openly, all
dignity forgotten.
"Do
you want to nurse?" her voice jerking me
abruptly from my thoughts. I had dreamed of this
for a long time now, but still, that was fantasy
and this is reality. I wanted to say
"No.” but the words didn't come out. My
God! Is this happening really? "We have
done this alot of times in our mind. Today we
are here, and we may not even see each other
again." Any rational thinking was blurred
by the desire. I must have nodded yes even
without even knowing I did. "Come dear,
Come to me. I'll feed you as much as you
desire." With a sense of deja-vu, I layed
down on her lap on the sofa as she moved the
baby to make space for my head. As my face
touched her clothed breast, I inhaled the
fragrance, drinking in the vision of the most
beautiful curve I had ever seen. How can a wet
spot on a cloth be so beautiful? I pressed my
lips lightly on the wet spot. Still holding the
baby, she freed her breast in front of me. As my
mouth closed around the wet, erect nipple, I
realized that my lifetime desire was about to be
fulfilled. We both gasped as I suckled and milk
started flowing from her nipple into my mouth.
Small exclamations of "Oh’s!"
escaped from her mouth as she pressed me to her.
When she placed the baby near her, I realized
that the baby was done and was asleep again. I
brought up my hand and touched the nipple that
the baby was suckling. She caressed my hair, and
moved to lie down. I was lying near her,
suckling frantically and swallowing the copious
amount of nectar she was offering me. I was
pressing myself tightly to her supple body, my
arousal warmly pressed against her. She was
moaning as I suckled, and I was unconsciously
grinding my hips into her. Deja-Vu again. I was
back in the hotel room with her in Japan. I
almost went to sleep with my still painful
arousal, when my watch gave an alarm sound. My
God! My flight to Bangalore! Very, very
reluctantly I let go of her nipple and unwrapped
myself from her. From the dilation of her eyes,
I understood that she was in as much as a stupor
as I was. I corrected my dress. "I need to
start now or I will miss my flight" I said.
She buttoned up her blouse and said "I am
so happy that you came to meet me."
"Me too." I said. "After all, it
is you that I have always wanted to meet."
I stooped to kiss her nipple over the
blouse and sari, and then the other. For a brief
instant we hugged each other. Then I went out to
call for the taxi as she came to the gate
carrying her baby to see me off. "Keep
writing!" she called out.
As
the taxi sped away, I knew that virtual or Real,
I would never forget this lady. Ever.
©
T.S.Rajesh
tsrajesh.indian@gmail.com
Reprinted with permission.
Please do not
replicate without the author's prior permission.
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